Why I'm Doing This

I should not have been in my 40s learning that some people can appear loving, trustworthy, and deeply faithful while doing real harm behind the scenes.

Someone should have told me what to look for. A parent, a teacher, a Bible school teacher. Somebody.

On March 25, 2022, someone finally gave me language for what I had experienced in a friendship spanning more than 20 years. I’ve been learning ever since. And one question keeps coming back: How many other people don’t know?

That’s why I’m doing this.

I know what it feels like to look back and realize how much you explained away because you trusted someone. When faith is part of the image they present, recognizing the harm can be even harder. I wish someone had helped me understand that sooner.

Last year, I decided to pursue a master’s degree in psychology. I also began considering a podcast. On November 3, Beyond Harmless launches, and I’ll begin sharing some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned.

I’m starting with smear campaigns because the harm doesn’t always stay between two people. It can spread through friendships, families, and congregations, shaping how others see and treat someone without ever hearing their side.

I want to explore why these campaigns can be so effective, how human nature and church culture can help them along, and what that means for both the person being targeted and the people hearing the story.

There’s a lot I wish I had known. My hope is to make that learning a little less lonely for someone else.

I may not reach thousands of people. But if a few people leave these conversations better equipped to recognize harm and respond thoughtfully, this will be worth it.

Have you ever been the target of a smear campaign? What advice would you offer someone going through one?